unlearn.

tl;dr: the biggest growth i’ve had this year didn’t come from work, a course, or some linkedin gyaan. it came from shutting up and listening.

---

lot has been happening recently. too much actually. work stuff, life stuff, someone i’ve been talking to recently. and somewhere in between all of that, kuch cheezein hit hui. hard.

i grew up thinking i was sorted.

like genuinely sorted. i don’t harass anyone, i respect women, i have female friends, i listen to them, i’m not “that guy.” checked all the boxes. gold star. move on.

but bro. i knew nothing.

---

i thought i understood what women go through. i really did. i’ve read the posts, seen the reels, nodded along to the right opinions. par actually samajhna? nah. not even close.

there’s a version of things men see. and then there’s the real version. the full one. the one women don’t even bother telling you because kya fayda, most guys will either dismiss it or somehow make it about themselves.

the stuff that hit me wasn’t some big dramatic crime patrol episode type thing. it was the small stuff. the everyday stuff.

i saw it in a friend’s family. a woman in my house, married, settled, “happy”, couldn’t even step out to meet her own brother without asking for permission. from her husband. a normal tuesday. and nobody thought it was weird. because “aise hi hota hai.” pehle ghar se permission. fir college se. fir partner se. fir sasural se. whole life.

i saw it in people around me. most educated men, best linkedin profiles, IIT tags, 40lpa packages, being the most regressive people behind closed doors. engineering degree leli but insaan se insaan jaisi baat nahi kar sakte. you’d never guess from their profile. that’s the scary part.

i heard it from a friend. a story so simple it shouldn’t even be a story. but it was. men just going quiet when it actually matters. seeing things, knowing things, par kuch karenge nahi. and later bolenge “tune bataya hi nahi toh mai kya karu.” bhai tu wahi tha na. tu dekh raha tha na.

---

the thing that messed me up the most. i always thought being a good guy meant not doing bad things.

that’s it. that was my whole framework. don’t harass. don’t catcall. don’t be creepy. done. i’m good.

par wo toh floor hai bhai. that’s the absolute bare minimum. and i was sitting here thinking it’s some achievement.

it’s not about what you don’t do. it’s about kya karte ho jab saamne kuch ho raha hota hai. chup rehna easy hai. comfortable hai. but that silence, that’s the problem.

---

i’ll be honest. my parents didn’t teach me any of this. most parents don’t. boys ko sikhate hai “ladkiyon ko maaro mat” and that’s it. one line. conversation khatam. but that’s not enough bhai. that’s not even the start.

whatever i’ve unlearned this year, i unlearned from women around me. from conversations that just happened naturally and made me sit there and think ki bc mai kitna clueless tha.

they were the women who for some reason still had the patience to tell me the real version of things. idk why they bother honestly. but they do. and it changes you.

---

i’m not writing this to sound woke or whatever. i hate that word. i’m writing this because i think a lot of guys my age are exactly where i was. thinking they’re sorted. thinking bare minimum is enough. thinking they “get it” because they have female friends and they don’t catcall.

you don’t get it. i didn’t. and honestly i still probably don’t fully.

but at least ab pata hai ki pata nahi hai. and that’s something.

---

if you’re a guy reading this, just listen more. bas. not to fix things, not to give solutions, not to be some hero. just shut up and listen. you’ll be surprised kitna miss kiya hai.

if you’re a woman reading this, idk man. thanks for still explaining shit to guys like us. it actually changes people. it changed me.

---

some life updates too btw. too much happening. wins. losses. mostly wins though hehe. but that’s for another post. later lol.

not so sleepy on a sunday 2am surprisingly. plan is to finish work by 6, sleep for 4hrs, and then come back and have a fucking actionable week.

lets go.

jai bajrangbali.